my problem…

Inilah salah satu alasan kenapa saya ingin bunuh diri.. Rasanya tuh meaningless saya idup.. Nyokap gak tau apa kesukaan saya,apa penyakit langganan saya,bokap yg cm mikir ttg ms dpn saya tp gak tau karakter saya.. *mereka mungkin cm tau kulit dr karakter saya. Adek saya yg selalu kaya malaikat di mata orang tua saya. Sampai-sampai kalau saya komentar ttg sikap salah adek saya tuh orang tua saya berfikir kalau saya iri. *saya selalu menjadi tokoh antagonis saat saya membela diri saya sendiri. (Anda heran? Sayapun juga). Kakak saya yang kehidupannya sukses *kata orang kampung nih, suami,anak,rumah pribadi,mobil dan kerjaan mapan. Idup saya selalu dibayang-bayangi mereka. Kadang kalau saya pulang kerumah,saya suka mikir “hubungan saya dengan keluarga saya gmn sih?” “Saya disini tuh siapa n ngapain?” (Bukan karna saya jarang pulang tp saya merasa asing dengan hidup saya sendiri) Saya pengen mati *saya tau ini dosa,tp serius deh pikiran ini selalu lewat di kepala saya. Saya tau mati gak enak. Saya pernah diceritain dan diceramahi sm temen yang pernah ikut kebaktian “trip to hell” (*saya muslim). Saya pun pernah ikut acara perkembangan psikologis yg menyatakan “bunuh diri itu bodoh”. Tp saya menganggap itu sangatlah nonsense. Ah biarlah ini cm ad di pikiran saya yang bodoh ini. LOL

My Partner of life

I write this post almost 01.00 in the dark morning… hhahha… after a long time I didn’t do any post, don’t know why I feel suddenly have an idea to write something… this is about my relationship with my boyfriend. I already became his girlfriend since May 2009. It means our relationship has been 2 years. I like his personality. His not handsome (I don’t like handsome guy… because they are so boring… hhahha…), his have good speaking ability, hard worker, and patient to handle my bad personality (hhahha… I’m not really a good girl actually). Now, after I build this 2 years relationship with him, he suddenly became pessimistic. I don’t know why. He lost his confident to continuing our relationship. He thinks that his family background will became a hard thing if we want to continue this relationship to the next step. Actually I don’t really care about family background in the past time because If we continue to the next step it means our relationship become the first of priority and our big family will become 2^nd priority (that’s what I think…). Now I don’t know what I should have to do to persuade him. It might become the end of our relationship… what I just want to say to him is I love him so much and I don’t want to left by him.

with Love

Cha_Rizuka